Congratulations on getting to the World Series. It's not every day that a team can win 21 out of 22 games, especially against playoff-caliber teams. Though you're about to be crushed by the superior Boston Red Sox, I'm sure Colorado fans will still be cheering wildly. Given the organization's tendency toward God-worshipping, though, I just wanted to write in advance that the reason you lost isn't because God smited you, though it could be because your organization is bat shit crazy.
I was reading the NY Times today, trapped at an auto mechanical laboratory for cars, when I realized there was something more to the Colorado Rockies.
The role of religion within the Rockies’ organization first entered the public sphere in May 2006, when an article published in USA Today described the organization as adhering to a “Christian-based code of conduct” and the clubhouse as a place where Bibles were read and men’s magazines, like Maxim or Playboy, were banned.
There's a little known secret: guys who aren't getting their rocks off aren't going to hit home runs. Reading passages of Genesis isn't going to exactly stir the passions of Troy Tulowitzki or Todd Helton (and believe me, at his age and condition, he needs his passions stirred), but Playboy magazine will. Just compare the two:
Seriously, viewing which of the two images above, right before an at bat, would make someone more likely to swing hard? The latter is for mediocre wannabees, while the former is for Rock Solid Closers. Need more evidence? Possibly Colorado's greatest offensive player ever, Todd Helton, has been limited to just 19 home runs during this year's regular season. On the other hand, I don't think Manny and Pappy have been reading much Genesis lately.
Of course, it's interesting that an organization that plays at Coors Field claims to be such a God-oriented team. I didn't know a team funded in part by those who would enable drunk drivers could be so concerned about morality. Ironically, it was a lesson learned by the team's Chief Executive, who was under probation for 18 months for driving while impaired. Yet, the team still isn't as dry as it is religious - which isn't to say I don't enjoy a good, wet one (indeed, it's a favorite past time) - I'm just pointing out the inconsistencies here.
Thankfully, the Red Sox embrace their drunkenness, famously taking shots before Game 6 of the '04 ALCS, the Greatest Comeback Ever. So, screw Colorado's Wednesday bible studies and players with "good character," I'll take the fun-loving, energetic, enthusiastic sinners of the Boston Red Sox. Not only are they more interesting, but they're damned cocky sons of bitches and have been here before, fairly recently. For all those reasons, God is being left out of it, leaving the fate of the Sox in their own hands.
Sincerely,
Frank
2 comments:
i've lived in denver all my life and have been going to rockies games since i was little and have never heard that the rockies were a christian-oriented team (and neither has anyone else i've talked to from here). i don't know where these newspapers are getting this info but it's grade A bullshit. plus, to say that maxim and playboy are banned from the team's wandering eyes is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. there's nothing wrong with believing what you want to believe but it's pretty much illegal to enforce those beliefs on an MLB team or any official sports team in this country for that matter. get a grip and listen to how these articles sound.... crazy.
here is a clip of the "christian-based, no alcohol allowed" rockies after winning the NLCS-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z-F51AHucA
so wait, that CAN'T be shampagne!! i'm sure it's just water being splashed around since they don't allow the use of alcohol and they certainly wouldn't endorse it. especially on tv.
you people are a bunch of idiots if you're gonna believe the dude who wrote this blog. i don't even like the rockies and i agree with tt on this. yeah the rockies got lucky and no, they are not a good team. but that doesn't mean that losers (including stupid sports-writers) have to spend their time writing stupid shit like this that just isn't true and definitely isn't allowed in national sports teams anyway. besides, they'd get sued up their asses if they tried to get away with the whole religion thing.
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